Day With Serena

Serena and me on my wedding day

Just after Taelyn was born


Celebrating Serena's wedding

Our 10 year High School Reunion



While I was in Seattle, I just had to kill two birds with one stone. I was there for my conference, but also one of my oldest and dearest friends moved there about six years ago and I have been meaning for the past six years to go and visit her, so now was my chance. I chose not to attend my day of workshops and spend an entire day with my friend. You know that saying, "A true friend is someone you can go months without talking to, and when you do, its like a day hasn't past since you last talked." That is Serena and me for sure. We are always in each others thoughts even though we don't talk everyday, when we do, its rare to have a moment of silence, and if we do, it is comfortable.

I have technically know Serena since 7th grade, but we didn't really become great friends until high school and even after high school we were roomies. We have seen each other through sickness, bad relationships, bad decisions, great decisions, marriage and babies. She is certainly one friend I would go to the moon and back for and I know I can receive the same love back. WE GET EACH OTHER. We have grown up together whether it was in the same house or a million miles apart. So I was ecstatic to be able to spend the day with her!

When she picked me up from my hotel, the moment she saw me, we realized we were dressed alike. We were both in a sundress with a quarter length sweater and sandals. I guess even though we haven't seen each other in over a year, we still seem to think alike. We decided to go to the coast to sight see. It was a GORGEOUS day! We joked that I brought the California Sunshine. We just walked and talked, when we got hungry, we ate outside at Red Robin. When we finished lunch, she took me to her house so I could see Gage, Tyson (my dog) best friend who he grew up with. It is because of Gage that Tyson thinks he is a BIG dog! Gage is a chocolate lab and was Tyson's BFF before Tony came along. Gage has a new brother Hank, the biggest dog EVER! Then we went to get our toes did. Then we went shopping at the huge mall near my hotel before I had to be back to my conference. We had an amazing day and she wore me out! I realized how much I miss my friend, but I am glad that I was able to spend the day with her.

Alpha Kappa Alpha 82nd Annual Far Western Regional Conference

My beloved sorority had their 82nd Annual Far Western Regional Conference in Seattle, WA. It was held from May 18-22nd. I LOVE going to the regional conferences. My Chapter, Eta Nu Omega hosted our 80th Regional Conference and that was the last one I attended. I was unable to attend last years because Taelyn was just 2 months old and there was no way I was gonna leave my new born, not even for my beautiful sorors. I was sad, but I just couldn't do it.

I was seriously feeling apprehensive about leaving Taelyn this time as well. I had to do it. I am a firm believer that mommies need breaks from their kids to be better mommies to them. I have never left Taelyn for longer than just a few hours at a time. This was the longest I have ever been away from my baby and the days leading up to it I was having serious anxiety. I knew Todd would be fine, but the way he does things are NOT the way I do things and like my Sorors (sisters) said over and over to me over the time we were gone, "Just because it is not your way, does not mean it is the wrong way!" That was my mantra for the weekend.

I was able to call, text, video text and Skype so that I didn't miss her so badly. I was very busy, so I really didn't have time to worry about what was going on at home. That was a good thing. I had workshops everyday and it filled up every day. I missed a few, but shhhh! I skipped a day of workshops to spend the day with one of my oldest and dearest friends, Serena. I will dedicate an entire post for that day later.

The days were all business (BORING) where the nights were fun! We had hospitality suites that were hosted by different organizations. Thursday Night Hospitality was hosted my Alpha Phi Alpha and Omega Psi Phi. They fed us and entertained us. Friday night was a Step Show. It was AMAZING! I really enjoyed the step how. I learned a few of the new dance crazes that are popular. I learned how to "Dougie" and the "Cat Daddy" These were such silly dances and nothing like the dances I grew up like the "Running Man" and the "Cabbage Patch"

Saturday night was the Formal Black and White Gala. we got all dolled up and ate a great dinner and danced the night away. This was our last night there, so Tiffani and I turned in early so we could pack and be ready to leave for the airport at 5am.

I seriously enjoyed my time away with my sorority sisters, but by the end of the conference, I was SOOO ready to go home. My only regret is that I forgot my camera a lot and only got a few pictures.

Tiffani at the airport waiting to leave.

Tanka sleeping on the plane, and yes, she wears that eye cover every time she sleeps.

Tiffani, Tanka and I went out of room in our pj's to use the computer lab and Tiffani was showing off her gorgeous outfit.

Tanka and I made a stop at See's Candy Shop


Natalie and Tanka at a workshop

Tanka and I posing at a workshop

Showing off our snazzy formal attire

Looks Like a BOY!!!!

This morning we went for our 3rd ultrasound. This time was the 1st time we were actually able to see between the legs. The tech said that there was "something" in the middle of his legs... That was enough for me to see and hear. She said that it is still to soon to tell for sure, but it certainly looks like a boy!!!

I feel like this baby is a boy. When I was pregnant with Trent, no one could tell me that he was anything other than a boy. When I was pregnant with Taelyn I felt like she was a girl, I KNEW in my heart of hearts she was a girl, but I was seriously praying she was a boy. When I found out for sure she was girl, I was NOT surprised, but I was a bit disappointed. I had always envisioned the older brother taking care of his younger sister. Just like in my family with my brothers and Todd with his sister. That was just the natural order of things... in my mind. In a sense, I feel like Trent is watching and protecting Taelyn from above. That is what helps me sleep at night.

I LOVE my little girl, and I don't know why I was so worried about having a girl 1st because after taking a poll of my friends and family, I know lots of older sisters with younger brothers and it turned out just fine. I think Taelyn will be an amazing big sister and I am just so excited for what the future will hold for the DiMillo's.

Randoms Found In My BRA....

Last night after a LONG busy day I took off my clothes and several things fell out of my bra... A cherry pit (gross), a cherry stem, a Nerd and an Everlasting Gobstopper. I have always been "blessed" in the boob area. I put blessed in quotes because for those who are lacking are envious and would love to have my "problem" The grass is always greener on the other side. Being that I am 4'10 on a good day, having a size double D is overwhelming. When I was pregnant and nursing, my maternity bras were a whopping "F" With big breast, I have everything that comes with it like back pains, strap lines that are permanently indented in my shoulders, issues in buying clothes my size, etc. I have always hated it and have done everything I can to hide them. It is like having a ledge attached to me that catches everything that misses my mouth.

This was the motivation for today's blog...

Random things I have found in my bra:
-Popcorn
-Candy of all sorts
-Nerds
-Mike & Ike's
-Skittles
-M&M's
-Chips
-French Fries
-Cherry pits (yesterday)
-Cherry stems
-Everlasting Gobstoppers
-Almonds
-Cashews
-Bobby Pins
-Paper Clips
-Grains of salt
-My Earrings
-Necklaces
-Leaves
-Grass
-Sand
-Crumbs from pretty much everything

I could probably go on and on, but that is all I can think of at the moment. I promise I am not a hoarder or unclean, messy person, I seriously don't understand how such items find their way into my bra, but they do and I myself am somewhat disgusted over it, but I try to find the humor in everything and laugh at myself. Hopefully you all can get a (quick) chuckle out of this as well :D

My History... Part 2

After yesterday's blog post, I was feeling sad. We were so optimistic with that pregnancy because we made it so far. So after that letter was sent out, the results of the ultrasound was negative, the lumps were nothing to worry about and eventually went away on their own, the asthma is still an issue, but much better since I am no longer working in the casino. The low blood pressure is manageable. That letter was sent November 22, 2008 and this followup letter was sent on January 2, 2009, 7 days after I delivered Trent.

*********************

January 2, 2009

Hello Everyone,

So, as some of you know, Todd and I lost our baby boy on Christmas Day... Or at least that is when we think he died... I went in to urgent care on Christmas afternoon because I hurt my back and I hadn't felt the baby move in a few hours. They were unable to locate his fetal heart rate. They sent us home saying that it was probably nothing and if we didn't feel the baby through the night, to come back in the morning. So after a sleepless night, Todd and I went back 1st thing in the morning. Again, they did not find his heartbeat, so they sent us to Redlands Community and ordered and emergency ultrasound. That determined that he was no longer alive.

From there, the doctor told us that because I was so far along in my pregnancy (22 weeks, 5 months and 2 weeks) they had to induce labor and I had to deliver him. They admitted me and gave me the pills to induce and labor started. After about 10 hours of labor, at 4:20 am December 27th, Trent was delivered. Immediately after I was rushed into surgery to have a D&C. The placenta was attached to some scar tissue from a previous surgery. When I woke up from my surgery, they brought Trent to my hospital room, and I really couldn't believe what I saw. He was a baby... He was perfect... He had long fingers and toes. He looked just like Todd. I wasn't expecting him to look like us, he had our features. Saying that it was hard is an understatement.

Todd and I are trying to get through this tough time. We have wonderful family and friends and they have been our back bone through this whole thing. We have decided that we are going to have Trent's body cremated and keep him with us in our home. Today we went to the mortuary to have our final viewing. It is somewhat of closure for us. Writing this email has been extremely hard for me, so I hope you all understand the delay, it is still very fresh and still very new to me. I just thought that you all should know. Thanks again for your love and support.

Love,
~TERESA and TODD

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Now all of you know that the next year I was pregnant with Taelyn and God delivered our little miracle on March 20, 2010. Taelyn is my testament of faith and to never give up hope!

My History... Part 1 (LONG Post)

This is a letter that I wrote on November 22, 2008. I sent it to everyone in my address book. I was pregnant with Trent (my 3rd failed pregnancy.) For some odd reason, I revisited this email and it made me VERY sad, and happy all at the same time. Sad because I was so optimistic about my pregnancy despite my horrible history and happy because I have come so far. I just wanted to add this to my blog so that when I do have a printed book of my year, Taelyn and whoever can go back and see the struggles I had to overcome to be a mother.

November 22, 2008
My True Test of Faith

Hi everyone,

As most of you all know, I am a pregnant. Being pregnant has caused me to be unable to sleep and laying in bed I was just thinking about my life and how things have seemed to have pan out. For you all to truly understand, I have to start from the beginning. Growing up I was a very healthy child. Rarely sick other than the chicken pox, which most children went through and the common cold and allergies.

When I was 18, just graduating, I was Howard bound. I was there only for a short period of time. I went to the Dr. for a regular check up, and while I was there, I got my 1st pap smear. It came back abnormal. After a few test were ran, I was informed that I had a malignant tumor growing in my uterus. Being that I was 18 and knew nothing about it, I naively said, "take it out!" Little did I know this experience was a life changing one. The Doctor gave me a few options, one was to remove my uterus completely, and to me, that was NOT an option. Even though I certainly didn't want kids at the time, I did NOT want that to never be an option to me. So we decided on "experimental laser surgery" They removed the tumor vaginally with a laser. No scars, the tumor was gone, I was cool.... So I thought. Soon after the surgery they realized cancer was still left behind. I needed to start Chemo Therapy ASAP. So reluctantly I left Howard on a visit home, never to return. I stayed home, made the decision to not tell my family and began therapy back in California, no longer interested in school. What was the point? I was going to die anyway. On October 15, 1999, I underwent my 1st chemo session... it was a series of 27 shots. It was AWFUL!!!!! And that seems to be an understatement. I was so sick, I went home and crashed. That same night, we had a big earthquake, the 1st big one I ever felt, and I remember lying in bed thinking "God, why are you doing this to me? I have ALWAYS been a good kid, I don't deserve this!!!" I was ANGRY, angry with my life, angry with God, like somehow I was being punished for something I did a previous life because up to this point, I thought I was great!

Well, after that night, I decided to continue on with my life as someone who has given up and didn't care. I was not is school, I wasn't working, and my body was rejecting the chemo. I was so sick all the time I began losing weight, and the worse part, MY HAIR. I think at my lowest weight, I was a mere 70 pounds. That was nearly 45 pounds lighter than my normal 115 pound frame. It was undeniable, I was SICK... I felt it, I looked it, I lived it. At this point, my loved ones didn't know what was going on with me, so one day my mom approached me and asked me if I had some sort of eating disorder because that was all the craze at that time. I finally fessed up to what was really going on with me, and she scolded me at 1st, was mad at me for not telling her what was going on with me. She was my mother and she should be the person who I should be able to tell everything to. That was the exact reason I didn't want her to know because I know she loves me and I didn't want her to try to take care of me and baby me the way she has always done. Worst... I didn't want her to WORRY!

To my surprise, she did just the opposite. She made me get off my ass, enrolled me in school and basically told me to get over myself and stop feeling sorry for myself. She got me a tryout with the cheer squad at Cal State (exactly where I did not want to go) and we started moving forward. Somehow, it seems, when I began to be productive, the chemo started working. In April of 2000, I stopped Chemo after 7 months and began radiation. I was on radiation for nearly 2 years when they told me my cancer was completely gone! In January 2002, I was completely cancer free! I could move on with my life as a "Cancer Survivor"

By this point, I was a Junior in college, a cheerleader, in the finest Sorority, and working at the casino. Things were looking up! Then lightening struck me again. I noticed that during my menstruation my blood was black... that not being normal, I went to the doctor and they said that my blood was contaminated and that every menstrual cycle, my blood was being collected in my uterus and that I needed to be on dialysis to decontaminate my blood. I did this every 2 weeks for 2 years. Trying to be positive, I continued on with my life... I graduated college. The same month I graduated, I was pregnant, and had a miscarriage at 10 weeks, 1 week after I found out. Though I was devastated, life went on... I went through a few careers until I settled into being a private investigator. October 4, 2003, Escrow closed on my 1st house with the help of my wonderful brother. This was the same day that the Del Rosa fires started. Why is it that when something good happens to me, there seems to be some sort of natural disaster to bring me back down? Is God trying to tell me something?

I was loving my life of independence, I had my career, my house, my family and friends, things were good. As in investigator, I was very successful, I was promoted 2 months in, I was making more money then I had ever seen in 23 years of age, things were good! Being an investigator, I was exposed to things that I normally wouldn't see. I was young going into it, the youngest in the company in fact. The things I was seeing, I didn't like. It was beginning to ware on me. I began to get tired of the job. I lost a faith in people after seeing pretty much, the scum of the Earth. There were cases that I had that still haunt me to this day. One in particular was life changing.

I was on the case for 5 days in Santa Barbara. I stayed in a hotel. Because I was so far from home, I brought my baby Tyson. The Claimant was truly a nut case. Paranoid Schizophrenic. They sent out 7 investigators before me and they couldn't even get 2 minutes of video out of him. After 3 days, I had nearly 14 hours. On the 3rd day of investigation, he approached me. According to our rules, if you are EVER approached my a Claimant, you are done, the case is over pack up and leave. So being the good soldier I was, I called my case manager, and informed her of the incident, and she instructed me to stay on the case. She said I was doing great work and with my cover story, the Claimant was non the wiser. So I did. On my 5th and last day, the Claimant attacked me with a bat. Hitting me several times. To say the least, I quit after that case. That was when the headaches started. I was unemployed for the 1st time in my adult life and scared. My mom being the ever encouraging one gave me the number of an old supervisor that I had when I was working in the casino, Todd DiMillo. I called him and soon after I was back in the casino business. Huge pay cut, but hey, I was working again and being productive.

Little did I know going back to good old San Manuel would have brought me the greatest love I have ever known. The number my mom gave me was the number to my future husband. Soon into our relationship, I realized that the minor headaches I was having were getting more and more intense with ever one. Todd suggested I go to the doctor and just see what could be done to prevent them.

Lightening struck a 3rd time... Seriously? During an MRI, they found a blood clot behind my frontal lobe. I could NOT believe this is happening to me again!!!! Luckily this time all I had to do was take a pill. I was on a blood thinner for a few months in order to dissolve the clot. It worked and I was good as new again. No more migraines I could move on. I started Dealer school and became a dealer and Todd had become a manager. Things with our relationship couldn't have been better.

Moving forward, on March 15, 2008, we got married. In June, Friday the 13th to be exact, we found out we were pregnant! Over joyed with excitement, we told all of our family and friends. Both knowing what happened the last time, we tried our best to be cautious. On a trip to Alabama to visit Todd's mom, I started spotting on the plane. It continued for most of the trip. When we came home I immediately went to the doctor and what we already thought was confirmed. We lost the baby. I was probably 7 to 8 weeks pregnant. Again, extremely devastated more so this time than the last, life must and will always go on.

In August, I was feeling ill, tired and just not myself, my friend Kellina suggested that I may be pregnant again. I thought, no way! I just had a miscarriage a month ago. Not possible! Well, she forced me to take an at home pregnancy test and to her delight, she was right. How could this be? Well, this time, Todd and I decided not to tell ANYONE until we were past our 1st trimester and we knew I was out of the woods. At 11 weeks, we had a sonogram and saw our little baby and heard his little heart beating and that is when I felt in my heart that things this time would be different. We began telling everyone! That that takes us to the present....

I went to the doctor on Thursday to find out that I am having complications. Really not much of a surprise with my history. He said that I have low blood pressure, severe asthma, enlarged thyroids and 4 lumps in the back of my throat. I have an ultrasound to confirm all of these diagnosis' on Monday, but I can't help but to think the worse. I was taken off of work, so now I am left with nothing to do but think about what is going on with me. I might be jumping the gun here, but I just want everyone who knows me to really pray for me and my baby. I know I wrote this long drawn out story of my life, but I just wanted everyone to understand how severe and how scared and stressed out I am and any words of encouragement or well wishes are greatly appreciated and accepted.

Love to All,

~TERESA DIMILLO

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The Followup to this email was another email telling everyone about the loss of our baby boy, Trent. I will blog about that another day, I feel quite emotionally drained right now.

My Little Helper

Taelyn is at the age where she is copying everything I do. I think it is so cute, but when I am cleaning, I kinda get into a groove and don't want to be bothered. I was sweeping the floor and everywhere I turned Taelyn was right there. To be honest, it was getting annoying. I moved on to cleaning my appliances and when I turned around, I saw that Taelyn had gotten the broom and was trying to simulate what I was just doing. I told Todd to grab the camera and take some pictures of her in the act. What a sweet girl I have, she just wanted to help mommy. I will take all the help I can get.

Here is my helpful, sweeping girl...






Next thing I am going to do is teach her how to vacuum. That is the ONE thing I HATE to do.

Mother's Day 2011

My morning started off later than usual since we had the Pacquiao Fight at our house the night before. We didn't go to sleep until late and surprisingly Taelyn slept in until 8am. She usually wakes up at 7am no matter what time she goes to sleep. My brother Richard spent the night and he and Taelyn shared some sweet moments while watching morning cartoons.


When Todd finally woke up, he and Taelyn gave me my Mother's Day cards and gift.






After I read my sweet cards and opened my gift certificate to get a massage (THE BEST GIFT TO EVER GIVE ME!) Todd took over my breakfast duties of feeding Taelyn and getting her ready for the day while I relaxed, read blogs, updated my blog, had an uninterrupted meal of leftover pizza, got ready and ran an errand. It never ceases to amaze me how much I can get done when I have help.

By the time I got back home, it was time to pick up the food we ordered from Famous Dave's and head over to my mom's for brunch with the family. We ate and hung out. Just enjoyed having family time.




My mom played with her grand babies. Taelyn loves going in between her bar stools so my mom sat on the floor to hang out with her in her favorite spot.



My mom was then trying to teach Maya and Leah how to blow bubbles with bubble gum. Maya got the hang of it right away, Leah still needs some practice.




My brother, Russell, is turning 40 in June, so we were going old pictures to put together a photo montage and found this one of my Auntie Ludy with me and my brothers.


For the most part the day was nice and relaxing, but by the end of the day I started feeling sad, I don't know why exactly, but I just got an overwhelming feeling of sadness. Last year since it was my 1st mother's day I was showered with love from everyone in my family, this year, for some reason I felt like I wasn't even acknowledged, but anyone other than Todd, and he didn't really pay much attention to me either. He didn't go above and beyond to help me with Taelyn or anything for that matter. It wasn't until we left my mom's house that I realized I didn't get a card from anyone in my family and seriously, a card is the most thoughtful and easiest thing to give anyone.

The straw that broke the camel's back and opened the flood gates happened on the drive home. I realized I was only in 3 pictures out of the 67 pictures that were taken throughout the day. I had NO pictures with my mom at all and the 2 pictures of me an Taelyn was in the morning when she gave me my mother's day cards. (See above) I was SAD!!! I didn't get any help with bath time and put Taelyn to bed, as I usually do. It just seemed to be a regular day. I ended my night in bed and cried myself to sleep. I don't know if it's my pregnancy hormones, but I do feel better this morning and a bit silly for being so emotional last night. Really the only thing that made me feel better is I felt the baby move in my belly for the 1st time :) That made me happy and put some things in perspective. I don't need to be praised, but it is nice to feel appreciated sometimes.

Pacquiao Fight

I, by no means am a fan of any kind of fighting. I don't like UFC, I don't like boxing, but for some strange reason, anytime the Filipino boxer Manny Pacquiao fights, I HAVE to watch it. I just like him, I like his story, I guess I am a little biased because I am Filipino. This fight, we had plans to go to a friends house, but I was getting phone calls, texts, and emails asking if we were going to get the fight. I said no to everyone because we had plans on going somewhere else. After evaluating the day I was going to have with my monthly Sorority meeting, a Bridal Shower AND a baby shower, I just thought that having the fight at my house was just way too much for me to take on.

So late Friday night, not even 24 hours before the fight, I decided that we HAD to have the fight, we could make it work. So I sent out a mass text to our friends and family letting them all know we were going to get the fight. I decided I was NOT going to cook, I just didn't have the time, we would order pizza and just have chips and dip. Usually for the occasion I would do a typical Filipino feast with fried rice, lumpia, adobo, pancit, etc, but I just wasn't feeling it.

Saturday morning,I woke up early, got Taelyn ready, dropped her off at my mom's house so I could go to my meeting at 10am. I didn't get out of my meeting until almost 1pm. I had to pick up Taelyn and get to my dear friend's bridal shower. The shower was great, I stayed probably longer than I should have because I had a baby shower that I had to get to as well. After leaving the bridal shower, I made the executive decision that I just didn't have the time to go to the shower :( I will have to give them their gift another time.

I honestly didn't think that we would have very many people over since it was so last minute and a lot of people didn't respond to my text, but I was pleasantly surprised with all the people who showed up.

I LOVE seeing the plethora of shoes at the door :)


All of the seats in the living room were occupied we started taking up the floor space



All of the seats in the dining room were taken too :)


The bebes were preoccupied in Taelyn's play room. They all played really well together.



So my plan of not cooking didn't really pan out, I had some request that I had to fulfill. I made pigs in a blanket, strawberry cupcakes, cookies and a 7 layer dip. I didn't make any Filipino food, but it was still really good :) Everyone seemed to enjoy it because I didn't have ANY leftovers. Whoo hooo, I hate leftovers.




We DID have the traditional Filipino BEER, San Miquel, thanks to BevMo! I don't like beer (and can't have it anyway). The 24 pack that we got was demolished by the end of the night.

PACQUIAO WINS and we had another successful DiMillo Shindig. Not a bad turn out for a last minute thing.

Kiddie Pool: Attempt 1

Last Thursday, Tiffani and Tylia came over to have a pool day. I went to Walmart (Gasp, I HATE Walmart) to get a kiddie pool because a friend told me they were on sale for $20. To my surprise when I got there, it was even cheaper. It was $15, I was quite happy about that. I bought the Your Baby Can Read series for only $69.99. I have heard mixed reviews about this, so I was apprehensive about buying it for the crazy price of over $200, so I felt for $69.99, it is worth giving it a try.

We blew up the pool and even boiled a few pots of water so that it wouldn't be so cold for the girls. Taelyn LOVES baths and often cries when her bath is over, so I thought she would enjoy this... I THOUGHT.





She seemed interested, then the moment her little feet touched the water, she FLIPPED out. She cried and screamed and clung to me like her life depended on it. I tried for a good 10 minutes. Tylia didn't seem to be bothered at all. She was happy as ever.



Taelyn, not so much...


I guess we will try again another day. This little girl may look exactly like her daddy, but she is JUST like me!