I reached my 30 week goal today. I am very happy about this. BUT MAN.... I really thought that I was gonna be off bed rest and just go into labor whenever it happens. Call it being naive, of just wishful thinking. I KNOW the longer she is in inside of me the better, but I am so miserable. I was so proud that I hit this milestone. My doctor put it in my head that I would hit the 30 week mark and then *boom* she would come. Now he is saying that now we have a new goal week of 32.... 2 more weeks.... I am really barely hanging on. I am uncomfortable. I literally have dreams of hurting my husband or him getting hurt. I am irritated ALL the time. I cry over any and everything. I don't even know who I am. And who I am now.... I don't like her. I know Todd certainly doesn't like her. When will I be myself again? I know have the greatest husband in the world and I love him more than anything, but why am I so mean to him?Why do I feel like hurting him? I can't help it. He is at the point where he is starting to be mean to me back. Then I start to cry and it is just a vicious cycle. I HATE IT!!!! I look in the mirror and I am completely unrecognizable. I'm fat and swollen, and sore and just ugly. I have never really thought or felt ugly, but that is how I feel now and how I see myself. uuugggghhhhh!!!!!!! Ok... That is the end of my gripe session. I actually feel a bit better now.
Now I am completely focused on being on bed rest for the next 2 weeks and when I make that goal, I will be prepared for Dr. Hordynski to tell me to go another 2 weeks.
Pregnancy in and of itself is hard... add to that the fact that you've been on bedrest, and it's totally understandable. Hang in there sweetie... I know each day probably feels so very long. You just have to get through this and get her here healthy, and then it will all be a distant memory and you will get to love on your sweet baby girl. You will return to yourself :)
ReplyDeleteI think once you type out your feelings, you can go back, read it, and then understand things better. Personally, I always felt so lucky that I was going to have a baby, it just never dawned on me to ba anything but happy. Mind you I did not have to be on bedrest, but I would have done anything. Sometimes we just have to stay focused, take a deep breathe when things aren't perfect, and look for a wonderful future where God & family mean the most. Everything else is just so secondary in this crazy world we live in.
ReplyDeleteYou're a beautiful little midget! LOL You made it to the milestone and that is spectacular. You and Taelyn are miracles and that is what you have to focus on. It is uncomfortable, you are swollen, but you have created a miracle inside and you have to take the good with the bad of pregnancy. Being mean to Todd, it's the hormones, plus he is the one you see ALL the time. Everyone is just visitors, so you wont be mean to the "irregulars". Sad to say but it happens. people may think I'm a little out there, but it's the ugly truth. Just take it a little at a time and PRAY for strength. Just when you feel like you may lose ALL control with Todd, pray for the right words to say and you'll be okay. Trust me. Love you mucho.
ReplyDeleteJenn
Thanks everyone for the encouraging words. I am really enjoying this blogging business....
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