Trent Mason

I have been wanting to blog for weeks now, but because of issues I'd like to blog about... I have decided to take a break from blogging, (if that makes any sense at all.)

This morning I woke up and was inspired to write something that had nothing to do with the drama that I have named "Blogger Gate." It has to do with me and my journey. I have three kids, I only have two that are living. I have written a many times about Trent Mason I feel him, I love him and I really and truly miss him. I am sad that I didn't get the chance to know him. I am sad that, to this day, my husband and I can't really talk about him. He has defined me as a mother. I treat Taelyn and Trent like glass because I know at any moment they can be taken from me and my heart can be shattered again. I am a strict mother because I want my kids to be good, obedient, mindful, thoughtful and most of all FAITHFUL. I step out of my comfort level more than I am comfortable with because I want to give them experiences and not limit them because of my hangups.

I think about Trent Mason all the time. Today, if God spared his life, he would have been four. I could have had a four year old. That thought is hard to wrap my head around. Taelyn would have been a little sister and known what it would have been like to be a middle child. This morning, I woke up thinking about him and what our lives could have been like, all of the "ifs." I checked my email and this is what I saw:

Really it was the strangest thing because I don't usually get emails like this, they go straight to junk mail, and when I do get mail like this, I don't even open it, I just hit delete. Today, I don't know why, but I opened it and as soon as I read the first line and completely fell apart. How ironic is that?

My mom tells me all the time that Trent Mason gave his live to save mine and my future. Call it Filipino superstition. Nothing I believe in, but since we lost him, I have been the healthiest I have ever been, I no longer have the medical issues I had before. I was able to have Taelyn AND Trent Michael, with very little health problems. I am just so thankful and blessed at the way my life has turned out. I don't know if I owe to it my little guy, but I do know I owe it to God. I remember when I was younger, I would pray for the life I have now. I do have struggles and everyday issues, but the big picture is EVERYTHING I have ever prayed for and ALL that I have always wanted. Even when I didn't know it, this is the life I was meant to have and I am living it the best I know how and I see my blessings and I am appreciative for them all. I needed that reminder this morning. It gave me some perspective. Because of that, I say, "Thank You, Lord!"