The DiMillo's

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Venting...

I just want to make clear before I start, I LOVE MY KIDS, but seriously, I think it is completely unhealthy to me to be with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I am completely thankful that I am afforded the opportunity to stay at home with them. I LOVE the fact I am raising them the way I WANT and the way I see FIT. I take full advantage of the time I have with them. I am attentive to their every want and need. I play with them. I teach them, I turn everything into a lesson. I expose them to different experiences, I give them choices and options, I give them freedom, I discipline them when needed, I teach them manners. Trying to raise amazing adults is HARD! It stresses me out. I am constantly second guessing myself: Am I doing the right things? Are they learning to their potential? Am I being too strict? Am I being too laid back? What is the best methods to raise good people? Do they feel loved? Do they KNOW how much I love them? Did I show it? Did I kiss them enough today? Did I smother them? I am really and truly doing my best, and is my best good enough? I have stepped out of my comfort zone on many occasions, I do things that don't interest me in the least, just so I can give them the experiences and memories. I want to be a fun mom, I want them to know that they can come to me ALWAYS and I will do any and everything for them, but with that being said.... I NEED A BREAK!!!

I LIVE FOR MY KIDS, but in that, I feel like I have lost myself. Who am I? Sometimes, I don't even recognize myself in the mirror, I wake up and wonder is this my life? How did I get here? If I am not a mom or a wife, then who am I? I am seriously with my kids every second of the day. Even during nap time, I am watching them through a monitor. I am terrified something may happen to them if I am not around or paying attention. I know these are irrational thoughts, but I can't shake it. I say I want a break and I want to go out without them, but when I am away from them, I am worried and thinking about being with them. I leave them, of course, but never for long. The only time I leave them on a consistent basis is once a month when I get my hair done. That is for 2-3 hours and they stay with my mom. I wish I could leave them with my mom for longer, but she is not that kind of grandmother. She wants to see them EVERYDAY, but after an hour or2, she is over it. I don't have a constant babysitter, my sweet Sorority Sister Gerri watches them if and when Todd and I want to get away together, but that is the extent of my babysitting options.

If I go out alone, Todd will take care of them, which he should, he is their daddy, but because Trent is still nursed, it makes it hard. He makes me feel guilty about leaving them and then I feel resentment towards him. I don't want to go out often, but when I do, it feels like a huge hassle, so I don't. I don't go anywhere my kids can't go and sometimes, I just choose not to go because it is WORK getting two kids in and out of the car. Then when I am there, I can't sit and relax and enjoy myself because I am caring for my children.

I have asked for help numerous amounts of times from Todd, my mom, and my niece Maila, but then I feel guilty. My mom always reminds me that this is the life I wanted and it is no one else's responsibility to care for my kids but mine and Todd's. Maila is busy helping my brother with his kids and when it comes to Todd watching his own kids, he makes it seem like a hassle, not always, but most of the time. Don't get me wrong, Todd is an AMAZING daddy he would do anything for his kids. These are strictly MY feelings and my perception towards the situation. Todd has yet to take both kids anywhere by himself. If I go somewhere and leave the kids with him, they stay at home. I don't want that for my kids, so I take the back seat and do things with them. I am by no means unhappy with my life or my kids, or Todd for that matter, I am just venting. I write this blog mostly for myself so I can remember what is going on in my life and so my kids can look back on what their lives were shaped out of. I am just venting, I already feel much better. Seriously, my kids are amazing, I just look in their faces and feel validation. They have brought me more joy than I have ever known possible. This is just a season and it too shall pass.

I end this post with a picture of my sillies, my loves, my life! My kids :)

Chaparrel Lane's 5th Annual Block Party

Every year since we moved into our neighborhood we have had a 4th of July block Party and every year, it just keeps getting bigger and better! This is the 5th year we have done this and again, it was great! We had a great turn out and we even have another family that joined us this year! Last year we had lots of kids and this year, there were even more! I am proud to say that this is Trent's 1st 4th of July! Also, I forgot to get Taelyn an outfit for the occasion, so I took a Christmas shirt and made it into a 4th of July shirt :)

I'm proud of myself this year, I remember to take a picture of my family!

The food is getting better every year. With the help pf Pinterest, the food has gotten more creative!

There are so many little kids on our street and it was nearly impossible to get them all together to take a picture... Here were our attempts!

After all of those attempts of getting a group picture, we gave up, there were plenty more, these are just the ones that are clear. A lot of the pictures were blurry because the kids move at the speed of light!

The kids had fun playing with flags, on the slide and with a huge pink elephant. They got wet and had a blast!

When it got dark, we all settled into the street to watch the fireworks, but many of the littles didn't make it. It was past most of their bed times, so after many meltdowns, lots of the kids ended up in their beds before the firework show was over. It was a quick and easy clean up and we were in our beds by 10pm. Cheers to another successful 4th of July Block Party!

Friday, July 6, 2012

Sickies!

I have heard stories of whole families getting sick and having to be isolated from the world. Well, it has happened to us. It started with Taelyn. She had a fever and then the next day she broke out in a rash. Todd took her to Urgent Care where he saw our neighbor Carly, who was there with her little boy who had a similar rash. We figured the kids got sick at a party they were both at recently. By the next day, Taelyn's rash was gone and she was back to normal. Todd had been complaining of having a sore throat and next thing I know he had a fever. I thought he was just being a baby, but the fever didn't lie. Next came the blisters. He had them on his feet, hands and down his throat. I got an email from Todd's Aunt telling us that we were exposed to Hand mouth and foot when we went out to visit. We didn't think anything of it because it had been over a week since our visit and nothing happened to me or the kids. Todd didn't even go with us and somehow he got it. I don't know how that happened, but who knows? Since he was so miserable and couldn't eat anything that had any kind of texture, I got him (and us) some smoothies from Juice It Up.

Since Todd was not well, he was confined to the upstairs while me and the kids stayed downstairs. We didn't know what to do with ourselves, so I decided to put together a tent to play in.

Taelyn LOVED it!

Trent didn't really seem into playing with it. He was kinda lethargic all day.

Poor Trent was next. He had a fever just like his daddy. He was fussy and had a loss of appetite. Next was the blisters. My poor boy got the hand, foot and mouth virus as well. Todd took him to Urgent Care and sure enough, it was confirmed.

Unfortunately with this virus, there is no medicine, you just have to stick it out until it goes away. I think I can safely say that after about 10 days everyone in my family is well. Fortunately, I didn't get sick. I must have an amazing immune system.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

June 2012 Wrap Up

When we got home, we noticed we killed a poor humming bird, I was so sad for this poor humming bird

Trent turned 8 months

Trent finally tried some baby food for the 1st time. Broccoli, he's not a fan

I painted Taelyn's toes for the 1st time ever!

Trent is standing like a big man all the time

Taelyn went to the dentist for the 1st time and it was TERRIBLE! She climbed onto the big table and got into her goodie bag and pulled out all of the floss while I was making dinner

June is a very busy month for my family and there are a lot of things that go on. Mainly it is Russell, Gigi, and Todd's birthday's. They are all 3 years and 3 days apart, starting with Russell's birthday on Flag Day hence the fruit pizza made into the American Flag (Thank You, Pinterest)